We have been spending most Sunday mornings with our community groups instead of all gathering together. It's just a different way of gathering as church and we have good reasons for doing it at this time. Last Sunday after we ate we had a project planned.

We wanted to be the church by going to a house down the street that is bank owned and overtaken by weeds and other dead things. We know we have been blessed so that we will be a blessing to others. We wanted to bless those in the neighborhood by restoring this yard that had become a mark of true ugliness. Though it took a little longer than planned we had a good time doing it. Like most service projects they really unite people and create a real sense of excitement because of the good that has been accomplished. All this took place but 2 other things really hit me.

First, all our kids (and another neighborhood kid) helped with the clean up. I mean they really helped. They mowed, raked, picked up trash, pulled weeds, got trash bags, they did it all. And they hung in there for the whole time -really amazing and really special for them to bless others in this way. Oh, they didn't complain either, at all.

Second, one person in the neighborhood stopped by when he was driving. We explained what we were doing and why and he said, "That's really cool. It looks a lot better". This guy drives by this house everyday. He was blessed by us restoring this place and even more saw the church as a people who seek to redeem things...things other than people. It was really great to see a person blessed by what we were doing.  

I look forward to more of these opportunities. Times to take part in the restoration of all things as small as they may be. It explains & displays the kingdom of God and heart of the gospel. I'm also so thankfull for a community of people that are wanting to be on mission together.

now we wait for d.e.s. to let us know we are official. when we get that green light we basically wait for a call to accept a child.

it's kinda weird that we are finishing this up and thinking about bringing a new child in our home, at the time of year we celebrate the arrival of a new child.

One of the things I've really thought about lately is the impact on our family. How are these kids going to best fit in here? What type of kids would they be? How are they going to treat our kids and vice versa? How hard will it be on our kids when they leave? How hard will it be on them? What if they go up for adoption and we are asked to consider it?

But then there is the whole family side of the kids. Getting to know and partner with the birth parents as well as extended family. There are regular visits to make, shared parenting, helping children maintain as many connections as possible. Not to mention trying to be the best care-taker for a child(ren) that can be as young as a newborn, while they are experiencing greater loss than I ever have in my whole life.

What a crazy opportunity and privilege. I'm convinced this is going to be one of the hardest and most rewarding things I have ever done.

But nothing tops the little things: jokes, screwing around, the looks, mishaps & accidents that happen when you go on a trip with friends that you can’t always put into words, you don’t get on film, and it’s hard to recreate because you just had to be there.

I super look forward to moving forward with the vision and mission of Portico. I look forward to September 7th. I look forward to God’s timing (at least I’m surrendering to it). I look forward to our future. I look forward to new faces & friendships. I look forward to seeing more people & our culture redeemed with God and experiencing whole life transformation that reigns in more of God’s kingdom, of heaven here on earth.

pressing on…

Anyway, I told Julie the day before I think I would like to get a tattoo for my birthday. While I have my "ideal" one in my mind it needs to be drawn out and I knew I didn't have time for that. So I started thinking a little and quickly came to realize something that I really like and could be done that day.

I'll let the pictures speak for themselves. Just make sure you look beyond just the words and get the larger picture.

tattoo with my happy face

tattoo with my tough face

Context really determins which face goes with the tattoos.

In case you are one of those, like me, that never cleans your screen it says, "Love Wins"

It looks great from like 3 feet away.

a belief and a decision...there are many things to believe about Jesus & countless daily decision

sometimes our beliefs determine the decisions we make

often our decisions reveal what our real beliefs are

for our beliefs & decisions to demonstrate christ-centered living, both must be formed & lived by faith.

I've been receiving some calls, text messages & the standard comments from strangers, "Hey I saw you on T.V. the other night. You were incredible! Can you sign my shirt" -type stuff. But don't worry I'm not letting it go to my head at all.

I've been thinking about some of the implications of this. So...when the producers decide to make the next Bourne movie, I'll be ready! I've been wanting to study Krav Maga and should pick it up fairly well from my past martial arts training.

I'd like to publicly throw a shout out to Matt (Damon) and say "You were the best. I only hope to follow in your footsteps, bring my personality/style to the camera and stand tall on your shoulders. Thanks for being the first Bourne, I won't let you or the (our) fans down!"

When I was having lunch today with Steve (working hard & enjoying in-and-out) lots of birds flock to us. I guess they want the bread crumbs & fries. Then a Roadrunner bird shows up and we're like, "Wow there's a big road-runner bird just sitting there." Then the bird gets kind of close to us and I put my hand on my knife, ready to defend myself or my food or both.

Anyway a couple minutes later the Roadrunner goes in for the kill on an innocent bird just hoping to eat the crumbs that fall from the table.

The Roadrunner goes for the jugular of this bird -and gets it! But he doesn't stop there, he/she starts bashing the bird on the ground while holding it by the jug. This goes on for like a minute while the lady at the table next to us starts vomiting because she's trying to eat her double-double burger. I didn't get a picture of the lady vomiting (ok that's a slight exageration she was just grossed out) but I got the birdfight -or bird kill.

"BEST DAD EVER!" -just in case your having trouble reading it 

For anyone ready this not in a home gathering please let us know if you would like to be in one. Steve will be starting one after the holidays and as he mentioned in his last email -it's the most natural place for us to be the church together in community.

God has truly been changing Julie and I over the last couple years. God is using Portico in our lives as much as anyone elses. This year we (as a family) will help/give/bless more families that we ever had before. And it's for one reason...our hearts our beating more in rythmn with his. 

This is what is filling me with joy these days. It's the fact that we're in the middle of the season & I can honestly say my life & our family reflects the spirit of Christmas, of Jesus, more than I think we ever have before! This is progress...transformation...church growth. [thank you jesus, i'm not the same as i was yesterday...by your grace may i not be the same tomorrow]

Last Sunday when we looked at Jesus being "deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled" [john 11:33] there were a few people afterwards that said, "I hadn't heard that taught that way before, I'm not sure that's what's going on etc". So I wanted to speak a little more to this verse/passage.

our english: "deeply moved in spirit" has more to do with "being moved to anger" and comes from a word that means "snort with anger". it's used in cases of scolding, sternly warning & being deeply moved. It's not that saying, "Jesus deeply moved in spirit" is wrong, it's just incomplete because it leaves out the anger. It's doesn't go far enough.

our english: "greatly troubled" again isn't wrong but in my opinion doesn't go far enough either. It does mean greatly troubled but in a way were the person's insides are being stired up, bringing great distress and internal commotion. 

Think of it this way. If your enemy (assuming you nice people had enemies) got in your face, literally, how would you respond? Would you be relaxed, and chilled? What would you say? What would happen to your insides. For me, my insides start to boil -literally. Most of us have had a time like this when our hearts start racing, blood starts pumping, and temperatures start rising. And then we start getting jittery & shaky. It's only minutes before somethings gonna "blow".

This is exactly what I believe Jesus was experiencing. His enemy was death and he was staring it in the face. He was mad, angry, even pissed off at this. So much so that combined with his indescribable love for us, he was willing to die himself so that we could live.

As for Jesus weeping, I believe he was also experiencing deep grief & sorrow. So I'm not saying he was angry instead of sorrowful but BOTH at the same time -not either or. So he had mixed emotions, I think we can all relate to that.

Hope this brings some clarification & help to the conversation. 

If you have any questions or comments please post em here!

Last Friday (I know it's late) Julie the boys & I went to the fair with Leanne & Brian. We had been wanting to do something together for a while (I work with Leanne at the bucks). We had a blast and I thought I'd share some of my favorite (or only) pics with you.

You know those rides at the fair that don't look safe because they shake when you see them running. You know they are probably not kept up to code becuase they never stay at one place long enough to be held accountable. This was that ride -I seriously thought our little metal container that held us by a little cloth strap was going to go flying off the track...never again!

Hayden milken the cow. The best part was when he couldn't get anything to come out. So this old lady came over to show him how it's done on the farm. I must say she had the touch!

I wish I could have gotten a better shot. This is THE snuffalufagus.

2 comments: First, this is real...totally alive, breathing, real. Second, I did not photo edit/shop this picture at all. What you see is what I saw. I'm thinking some sinful act between a poodle & camel with a little monkey thrown in? What do you think?

Ended the night with some good'ol crash em up derby.

the boys loved playing with worms, when we weren't cutting them in two and putting them on fishing hooks

hayden & sammy spent 3 days (on and off) building this fort by hand...stick by stick. hayden said he got lots of splinters 

these two kids were our "neighbors" (rachel & derrick) and friends for the trip. they also helped build the fort

this time of year means no fires, no grills, only propane. but it all melts marshmallows for smores -yum

  how cute is this

wasted after the trip and out for the count the whole way home

My lovely wife sitting at V.Sattui (one of the 300 + vineyards throughout the 26 mile Napa Valley) after we ate lunch picnic style on the lawn. We went inside for a wine tasting but it was packed. So we decided to move on to one of the other 6 vineyards we visted on Saturday.

Just a picture of the two of us proving we were enjoying ourselves and having a great time.

We visited Robert Mondavi Winery and took a tour. It was really cool to learn about the whole process from growning grapes, to pressing them, barrelling them & bottleing them. The best part was tasting them at the end of the tour. We were able to try many white & red wines during this weekend. I think we both still prefer reds (we're hard core like that) but the whites started to grow on me a little bit more throughout the weekend. All the greenery you see in the background of the picture gives you an idea of what this placed looked like. It was truly scenic & the weather was perfect too.

One of the highlites of the trip was staying at a Bed & Breakfast. It was a beatiful Victorian house with gardens. We are sitting on the front porch swing. We really enjoyed the B&B but breakfast one morning was a bit skimpy for two people who love breakfast. Overall it was great but if we were returning we might stay somewhere else instead.

Julie standing in front of the B&B. What this picture doesn't show is the stone walkway and roses leading up to the front door. There were roses everywhere in this place. The town & vineyards were covered with roses. And everytime we walked by some Julie would always stop and take time to smell the roses...they did smell good.

We had a great time being alone (away from our boys -who though we love deeply we didn't talk about while we were there). We ate great food, saw beautiful vineyards, had great wine, did a little shopping & I even surprised Julie & took her to a ballet one night. It was a great time, and if you're ever thinking about getting away, we recommend it.

"Emerging churches...understanding of the Christian life is strongly Christocentric, drawing much inspiration from the Gospels. They create a space for the kingdom to enter their midst. They commit to the community that follows this King and let their other loyalties take a backseat. An unchastened consumerism and anonymity are not options within their ranks. They display a willingness to abandon old church forms as they dramatically restructure their communities. They abhor the idea of church as a meeting, a place, a routine. Clearly, for these communities, church is a people, a community, a rhythm, a way of life, a way of connectedness with other Christ followers in the world. These communities are small, missional, and offer space for each individual to participate. It is through living as a community that emerging churches practice the way of Jesus in all realms of culture."

Gibbs & Bolger, Emerging Churches, Baker Academic 2005. 

I'm so proud.

We were having dinner tonight and somehow it comes up that "dotes" can meow & bark. Normally this is nothing to get excited about but he pulls it off exceptionally well.

passion week was really meaningful for me and our community. good friday especially was a beautiful depiction of such a horrific event. easter has to be the most brightening day of the year.

this time of lent was long but helped me better understand & feel how long and difficult this time must have been for jesus. 

i was thinking about some things i learned over these past 40 days. during a time that is soley about depending on god i realize how little i go to him daily with my life. instead i often live on my own apart from his strength & presence. this is still an area i'm growing in -drinking daily from the cup of grace. my prayer of the heart was "lord jesus, more of you and less of me" helped show me this.

i also see the need for the gospel to save me from all the ways i'm not living in the way of jesus. as my understanding of the gospel broadens i see how it impacts every area of life. further more i see how it redeems all of creation. 

my heart, love & desire for the gospel of jesus has grown over this time. if for no other reason that alone made it all worth it.

thank you jesus for the greatest sacrifice -for your blood, your life. thank you for conquering death. thank you for the hope you aone bring. jesus, my god & savior.

My understanding of the gospel can be so limited.

Paul says in I Cor 15 it's the gospel of grace that has made him who he now is and the way in which he lives. In other words everything that Paul does or accomplishes he credits to Jesus. God's grace is the source of everything good, meaningful & beautiful coming out of himself.

It confronts me with just how sinful I am but just how much God accepts me. While the gospel, truth, purging of sin, transformation, truth, God etc., are all things I think I only need to experience, I'm learning what it means to embody them.

As I learn to embody the gospel rather than encounter it, my understanding of it begins to grow.

i've definately hit the "mid point tough part" of lent. the freshness has worn off and the end is not really in sight yet. 

but i am reminded in this whole process of renewal & transformation that it is all about grace. i mean i know that my salvation begins with grace i just forget the my salvation continues only with grace too. sometimes i think it becomes about something else...like me. the gospel really is always about grace.

i like how paul says it, "but by the grace of god i am what i am..." and then right after this he says, "i worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me." this gospel of grace continues to transform & save. he also says, "the gospel i preached to you, which you received, in which you stand, and by which you are being saved,". 

i'm learning more and more what it means to live every moment in the gosple of grace which allows me to live the way of jesus. i'm learning to decide more than ever to live in the way of Jesus and to allow this to happen by his grace.

this time of lent -drawing near to God, devoting myself to him, has helped me discover more of how his grace can guide my life.

Growing pains don't feel good. A couple days ago I mentioned that God renewed my thinking about what I am missing in being a merciful person. I lacked a real sense of wanting to serve others. It just comes more naturally for me to ignore others and do "my thing". For some reason I like my time to be my time.

But God is faithful. He continued this lesson he was teaching me. The next day I recieved a phone call for an opportunity to give my morning away by working for someone else. There wasn't anything I had planned that I couldn't change. My first thought was -how inconvienent. Thankfully my next thought was remembering what God had just been teaching me. So I saw this as a wonderful opportunity to serve and allow transformation to take affect in my life.

I'm glad it did -but growing pains don't feel good.

Today I was reminded of the incredible mercy of God to send Jesus. I can easily forget that I not only didn't have a chance to save myself but that God didn't have to save me. This mercy & love comforts and confronts me. I can't help but to see my lack of mercy & selfishness. I see how quickly I recognize the needs of others but too often don't respond. Today was a day of renewal for me. A time to renew my understanding & vision of God's mercy in Jesus. Tomorrow may be a day for transformation. A day where I become more of what I am not. 

Ephesians 2:4 But God, being rich in mercy, becuase of the great love with which he loved  us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ -by grace you have been saved

It's great to be able to journey together in community. Tonight as we looked at the way of Jesus I was really challenged in how I follow Jesus. This whole time of lent is about preparation. Tonight I had to ask myself, "Am I prepared to follow Jesus in the way he demands?" This way of Jesus is about all of me following all of him.

It was refreshing to think differently about the cost of following Jesus. It's so important to realize that following Jesus costs my life period...and everything else is incidental (even death). I know I have gained a better understanding/awareness of what it means to give my life to Jesus & follow all of him with all of me. May we live in the freedom that comes from being totally, completely his. 

“Humility is like underwear, essential, but indecent if it shows.” Helen Nielsen

I think humility is one of the best traits a person can have. I also think it's one of the hardest to have especially for those in positions of leadership. Which makes it all the sweeter that Jesus exudes this characteristic.

The "Jesus Prayer" or "Prayer of the Heart" is a short prayer that is to be prayed constantly. It originated somewhere around the 5th to 8th centuries. It's a prayer that appeals to Jesus as Lord of our lives, for divine mercy & seeks inner silence & stillness. Biblically it is drawn from Luke 18:13, I Tess. 5:17 & Acts 4:10,12. The goal is that this prayer becomes habitual or rhythmic (like breathing) as we go about the day. For Lent I decided to write one of these prayers for myself and practice this type of praying. This is new for me so it has been both challenging and also refreshing. This prayer is a plea for Jesus' humility to mark & exude my life.

Lord Jesus, more of you less of me -my prayer of the heart

"God is light, and in him is no darkness at all." No statment makes it clearer to me that God is God and I am not. I know better than anyone else (except God) the darkness in me.

God is light...God is holy. He is absolutely pure, absolutely clean, perfect light.

Pride comes before the fall because pride says, "I have no sin" which ironically only leads to more sin, darkness & falsehood.

Jesus in humility and brokenness cleanse me, renew me, transform me that the way of righteousness would be my way.

First of all let me say today is Hayden's birthday. He's 7 years old and I can still remember looking at him in the hospital in his little "plastic tub". He was the cutiest thing I had ever seen and I called handsome Hayden. The "black tar" poop did freak me out though since I was a knew dad. I always new time would go by fast I just never thought it would go by this fast.

I look at him now and pray he keeps the tender heart he has. That somehow he will be protected from all the evil & ugliness in our world. That rather than choosing a self-serving path he chooses a God-serving path. This path of living in the way of Jesus instead of the way of our culture & world. And Jesus' aim was to serve & honor & glorify his Father. This I pray is the path he chooses for himself.

And I'm confronted with the question, "who is the greatest influence in his life?" Who is he looking to & learning from about this path? Not just what the path is but what it means in all honesty to walk it everyday wholeheartedly.

Whether it's right or wrong one of my motivations to journey with God is simply so he too will journey with him. We all leave a legacy with someone and I know I will leave one with all my boys -I pray it's one that gives them a reason to live that is worth dying for.

I prefer to value both the intellect and a life marked by true spirituality. I believe both to be the goal of theology. However I do want this journey to be for me more about my spiritual transformation as seen in my living and perhaps less in my learning. 

tonight at portico was great. i enjoyed the time to think about and teach on Jesus' words to be pure in heart. the worship & community was special.

Jesus speaks so intently about being pure and allows for no amount of impurity of heart at all. and it's these people who will see God. i think we can see God in the day to day moments of purity when something truly pure happens like someone returning harsh criticism with a smile. but one day we'll see him face to face. how awesome that will be.

"The voice of the one crying in the wilderness: Prepare the way of the Lord, make his paths straight. Every valley shall be filled, and every mountain and hill shall be made low, and the crooked shall become straight, and the rough places shall become level ways, and all flesh shall see the salvation of God."

This is a time, a journey of personal preparation. Jesus is coming and salvation for all people will come. And all people means me. My return back to God happens because Jesus happens.

Because Jesus brings the great reversal!

Valleys are filled, mountains, hills made low, crooked are straight, rough -level...all flesh see salvation.

Jesus, what do you wish to reverse in my life? What needs to be undone or put back together in me? How do you wish to reverse me back to what I was meant to be?

"...the strap of whose sandal I am not worthy to untie."

I too am not worthy to even untie a strap, from a sandal, on his foot. Have I so quickly forgotten my ashes from yesurday?

But is my unworthiness more about my unworthiness or about his worthiness?

In him I am made worthy. I am cleansed & re-born...so I draw near.

A journey of preparing my soul.

"Wretched man that I am!" The beginning point of Lent...Ash Wednesday.

"Who will deliver me from this body of death?" The discovery, journey & preparation of Lent.

"Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!" The climax of Lent.

How am I not the person today I was yesterday? The hope of Lent. The beauty of Christianity.

i remember having glasses at a young age -though a little older than him. his doc. said his one eye is 20/20 but the other is 20/60. he's wearing these glasses for 4 weeks and then he'll be checked again. if the eye shows no improvement they'll give him a patch to wear over his good eye to force his "lazy" eye to kick it in gear.

a full on patch! like a real pirate! man i hope he has no improvement. he can go around everyday like the guy on dogeball that thought he was a pirate...sweet. 

check back in a couple weeks and i'll put an updated picture of sammy for you to check out...arrrrrg!

the cool thing for me is seeing ian & joel play, have fun and live out their dream. i don't know the other guys in the band but here's a word for joel & ian...

joel -you're a goofy, crazy in your own way, funny, likable, chilled guy. i know in highschool your dream was to play music. have fun doing what you love and enjoy the ride. stay close to jesus.

ian -thanks so much for singing and leading at fullcircle. i know you're living out your dream too & i'm excited for you man. enjoy the ride, stay close to jesus & have fun.

the other really cool part for me was seeing so many friends "from of old" at this concert. it was like some sort of reunion. i saw some people i haven't seen in years. they were students in the high school group or fullcirlce when i lead that stuff. others i haven't seen in months. it's so good to see & catch up with people like this-life should require these types of reunions.

so to all the friends i saw that nights...thanks for the friendships, memories & good times.

this past weekend i took a 9 hour drive to durango and learned how to snowboard. i went with 80 other high school & college students from trinity church. my main reason to go was to talk about jesus in the evening gathering times. it was great to share the love, victory and life of jesus. my hope is that the spirit of god moved in the secret places of hearts. god is a great god and i hope this was understood in new & personal ways. if i could do it over i would certainly change some things i said and the way i shared. nevertheless, god is good and my prayer is that the supernatural happens through or in spite of the natural. i was reminded of the gift and privilege to speak for god & the responsability that goes with it.

the trip started with me literally being shoved between 3 other guys in the back seat of a 15 passenger van. it sucked! we were so uncomfortable. i can't beleive these guys didn't hate me for taking away their plushness & roominess in return for a straightjacket. but they are good guys and were totally cool about it. we listened to music, talked, tried watching a movie on my laptop (battery went dead in 10 min.) and started the consumption of a 5 pound gummy bear bag. oh the good ol days.

i spent the nights on a couch like most people but at least i could straighten my legs, shift my body and only smell my own body odor -all things striped away from me in the van. the food i ate was really good, the showers were ice cold, the games played in the evenings were fun, it snowed non-stop the whole time we were there and it was cold -really, really cold.

i had two goals: learn how to snowboard & don't die in the process. well i did learn how to snowboard and this blog shows my passing will have to wait for another day. by the third day i was totally carving down small hills and trying not to do unplanned back-flips down steeper hills. it was fun and the next time i go i will once again get a "board". my legs were killing me by the end and other than having my brain knocked around a few times hard and my left rib cage bruised, i'm totally fine.

an interesting thing happened on this trip. on the way home everyone was in the same seats. it's a classic rule on a trip like this. i'm sure you recall my seating situation. but after spending the ride together on the way their, hanging out during the weekend, boarding together, eating together etc. the ride back was nowhere near as uncomfortable as on the way there. i'm sure the van size didn't change and despite all our activity i'm sure our size didn't chage either. so here we are the same 4 guys, same van, same bench, but much more comfortable, roomier & enjoyable -though the smells & odors were the same! it reminds me of the incredible power of relationships and why this is one of our values. we truly spent the weekend journeying together & living out the practices of kindness, friendship, & fun. we spent the weekend as a journing & loving community & it had the power to change how we experienced things -even though the physical enviornment didn't change.

it really challenged me to be thinking about how we as a community are practicing journing together as a loving community. i know there a thousand different ways this happens and i see it happening all the time. i've seen it in some of us taking trips together, having dinner together, playing together and struggling together. i'm just reminded of how important and powerful this is. i'm reminded this is not just a value on a piece of paper but part of what it means to live life as god intended it to be. may we all be even more willing & courageous to enter into deeper & deeper relationships with each other.