divorce...again!
Email This Post | Permalink | 3 Comments
Julie and I know a couple who have recently decided to get divorced. I know this happens all the time, but I don’t ever want to get used to it. They had a good marriage for many years, but over time things can change. Things do change.
Over time, we get used to our spouses, we might become numb to the many things that excited us earlier. Over time, careers make us act in crazy ways. Over time, kids often come along, and things change a lot. Over time, we change…we get uglier, more stubborn or maybe more forgiving. We move, people we love die, we get fired, we get old, bored, sick, stressed, tired, anxious, impatient…so many things happen and change over time.
I don’t know what all this necessarily means…it just happens. Maybe I’m thinking about how to navigate through the change without losing what I value most.
Anyway…back to the couple getting divorced. After being married for years things changed. But they didn’t get “bad”. Things didn’t get ugly as they often do. Things just changed. But in the midst of the change something happened that they should have seen! It should have been a HUGE RED flag. They should have said, “If we don’t deal with this, one day…we will get divorced.” They should have noticed it and refused to live another day without doing something about it. They didn’t. They didn’t do anything about it. They didn’t even acknowledge it. And like a fire extinguisher on a fire…their marriage was put out. What I think went missing from them…romance.
Julie and I were talking about how a couple married for so long, doing so well in many respects, having a good family, even knowing God through the person of Jesus could have this happen. I mean that sounds a lot like my life, so should I be expecting this? Things changed…and when things changed so did romance. Not that it had to, but it did. Life happened, romance vanished and boredom set in. It seems that a marriage suffers without romance…even to the point of distinction.
It’s all a reminder to me that I need to be about the things that bring romance in my marriage today. At times it might be inconvenient or hard. I might not feel like being romantic or not know what I’m supposed to do. At times I might think she doesn’t even deserve it! But when did love ever have anything to do with easy, convenience, me, or what she deserves?
If the romance is gone in your marriage, acknowledge it. Do something about it. Get help. Don’t let another day go by the same. Listen to what your own heart & soul tells you. And change…or it will change you.
3 Comments | Login to Post Comments
Josh Barton on May 21, 2008 5:55pm
romance - eewwww!
Melissa Hester on May 22, 2008 10:20pm
Awesome post Scott. Julie always deserves it :).
Cheryl Griffin on May 23, 2008 12:53am
Has anyone heard the saying, True Love is a friendship set on fire??? Have you ever notiticed that the word fire is in the first four letters of the word friendship??? Romance= A Love Affair. This isn't rocket science. I agree wholeheartedly with Scott, "If the romance is gone in your marriage, acknowledge it. Do something about it. Get help. Don't let another day go by the same. Listen to what your own heart and soul tells you. And change...or it will change YOU." I would encourage all married couples to Choose Life in your marriage. And it is never too late :) Don't wait until death is knocking in your marriage. But if you have allowed your relationship to come to deaths door so to speak, breathe into it. Have fun with this. If your spouse has sin (addictions etc.)in their life then that is a whole other dynamic that this story does not entale. But if you are a normal ordinary couple going about your day to day this is easy. God is Glorified by the fire in your friendship and he will help you to be creative and confident and complete just ask him in Jesus name, amen.