friendship...period
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Last week I had a couple opportunities to deepen some new friendships with people at coffee shops. These are simple friendships of meeting people, as I'm sitting & working/reading. But there was one case in particular where a person spiritually opened up simply through an act of friendship on my part. I invited them to hang out & even though they couldn't they became open to participating in my Christian community i.e. church. I never brought up anything about my faith or community, yet this is where this person went.
It got me thinking about all the different evangelistic strategies we've had over the years. I thought of three widely used strategies for witnessing. The first is the "street corner preacher strategy". This guy (usually a male) is yelling out things like repent, while handing out "tracks" with ridiculous pictures of flames & angels with some question like, "where will you spend eternity?" I have never understood how this can be seen as anything other than inflammatory & borderline hateful.
A second approach is "softer". It's called "evangelism explosion" and consists of door-to-door witnessing. This straightforward approach is similar to the "guy on the street corners" in terms of let's get to the point and talk about what happens to you when you die, but without all the yelling & fuss of angry mobs. I suppose walking around taking surveys or cold questions like, "Hi can I share with you the best thing that ever happened to me" are similar in nature.
This was still too forceful, so a third approach we came up with was an even "softer" strategy called "friendship evangelism". This is supposed to be a relational type of witnessing where you form relationships with people & wait for the right opportunity to tell them about Jesus. All the while you are praying for them and seeking to deepen your relationship. This continues to be the strategy of choice for many today.
My contention with this last strategy (though it's the better of the two -the first is not even worth considering any further) is that because it's "friendship of/for evangelism" it's simply not a pure, genuine friendship. It places an agenda & possible requirements on the friendship that shouldn't have to be there in order to have the friendship. Let's say there was a person who works with you and for some crazy reason had to give away a million dollars. How would you feel if you found out the real reason this person has become your friend is just so that at the right time they could offer you the money? Now I know your thinking "SWEET these are the friends I NEED!" But think about it, all your conversations with this person, the lunches, the time you had dinner at their house, when they took you out to the suns game, all the carpooling it's all because they were waiting for the right time they could "make the offer". Doesn't that taint all the things you have done with them? How do you feel now about those conversation, carpooling & lunches knowing there was an agenda behind it all? It wasn't a pure friendship. From the very beginning it was sort of jaded. Don't you feel a little bit like their "project" instead of their friend?
My point is simply this -why can't we just give friendship...period? Not friendship if or because, just friendship. While Jesus did live/proclaim the kingdom of heaven he also offered friendship to hungry, hurting, lonely & lost people. He doesn't seem to have any other agenda or purpose except to be-friend & love people.
I have found, people (including me) want honest or agenda free friendship. Not only do we want/need pure friendships, but this is when we open up & listen to each other. So why do we as Christians struggle with offering pure friendship without the agenda more often? I think struggle with it because it's much harder & second we are told in scripture to go and make disciples which clearly involves/includes evangelism.
It's harder because I'm going to be friends with people who have such totally different values & ethics than me. And I'm going to be friends with them regardless of how they respond or what they think about my beliefs. I'm going to be around alternative lifestyles, abusive, addictive & extremely judgmental people -well at least more judgmental than me. And if they never turn to God I'm going to keep the friendship. So for example, right after the guy at my work says, "F#@k the world" I have a choice to make. Walk away because it's hard and he doesn't seem open or offer friendship.
Don't get me wrong I want people to find Jesus & life in the kingdom of heaven. More than anything else! But I believe evangelism doesn't need a strategy because it's a way of life. Being the presence of Jesus in word or action to anyone at anytime is part of what it means to be a Christian. So I don't need to have a category of friendships that I treat/view this way, (which by the way could imply I wouldn't live this way in other settings or relationships).
So try this -dump the "friendship evangelism strategy" or any other strategy. If you're a Christian reading this, live in the way of Jesus and you won't have to worry about an evangelism strategy. And seek to have pure, genuine friendships with people. Not only will they appreciate the agenda free relationship but it will be one less project/task for you.
And if you have a "friend" you find out is just seeing if you are worthy of a million bucks, remember you don't need a friend like that. The friendship is sort of a scam. Pass along their name & # to me I'll take care of it.
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