Special People?
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Julie and I were talking this past week about someone who called us “special people” because we do foster care. If you know our foster story, you know it hasn’t been easy. In fact there have been times we really didn’t think we could keep going.
While there is a precious, even sweet side to the boy we foster it is often masked with anger, hate & violence. We have had to completely rethink our discipline strategy (our 3 boys are very different), have endured outbursts, yelling & swearing, and just generally been treated with little respect or thankfulness from him. My youngest boy still has a scar on his face where he was “scratched” months back that I’m hoping will go away as he gets older. Never have we been in a real life threatening situation with our foster child so I don’t want to blow it out of proportion. However, to say it’s been a challenge is a bit of an understatement as well.
This has caused various people at different times to tell us we are “special people” for doing what we are doing. Let me clearly say I know their intentions and appreciate these kind words. I believe their intent is to encourage us and “honor” us in what we are doing. They usually follow “you’re special people” with “I could never do that”. The problem is this statement, “you are special people” is that it could not be more false! When it comes to fostering a child we are absolutely not special people at all! If you don’t believe me, I will prove it to you.
The rational for these words “you are special” is supported by the fact that we have taken in a child and “put up” with the chaos I alluded to earlier. Further there is this sense that we have super-patience, insightful-understanding and nothing but unconditional-love in spite of it all. Yes, we have taken in a child and “put up” with quite a bit. But I cannot tell you how many times I have run out of patience. There have been multiple times I “did my job” but in my heart I couldn’t stand him! I was so angry/frustrated I just wanted to throw him through the wall. He has seen my eyes filled with love yes, but he has seen my eyes filled with furry as well -this I am sure. We have never abused him, but in our hearts we have rejected him, we have torn him to pieces! Our hearts have broken for him one minute and wanted to break him in the next minute. Every day we welcome him home and long for the day he leaves and is out of our family.
I hope you’re beginning to see why we so adamantly disagree with the notion that we are somehow “special people”. We are not, it just simply isn’t true.
We are dependent people. We are thankful people. We are changed people. We are willing people...nothing more.
The reason why I feel so strongly about this and am writing this, is because the truth is God is special. He is the “special one”. His grace makes all this possible! Every time WE are seen as the “special people” it takes away from God being seen that way. Without his grace in our lives, I assure you we would not still be doing this! One way or another he would already be long gone! How can you call us special? I’m telling you we would have ended this long ago (if we ever got into it in the first place). We would be overcome with our selfish desires: our sense of justice, idea of family, need for safety, desire for comfort, notion of peace -we would never allow ourselves and family to live in this way.
Every day we desperately need God’s patience, understanding and love to keep doing what we are doing. It is only because of his grace that we do ANY of the kind, caring and loving things to this boy. The beauty in what we are doing, is completely, totally and without exception God’s beauty. He is doing all of this. He knew this little boy...before he ever came into existence. He saw the complete turmoil in his life and protected him for many years. He reached into his life and brought him out of the hell he was in. He brought him into our family. And it is HIM that continues to protect him, love him, care for him, and nurture him...through us.
God is the only “special one” in this. He alone deserves the honor, the glory. He is worthy of exalting, praising and worshipping. He is unparalleled in every way. He stands alone in who he is, and is certainly -special.
We...are just like you.
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